I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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