now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
