I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
