Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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