There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
