ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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