You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i think i just lost a toe
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
