well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
