ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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