So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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