Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
