i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
