YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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