I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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