Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
