Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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