Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
