The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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