DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize