I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
