Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
