I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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