Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Rumble strips road head = magical
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
