Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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