Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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