Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
