you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
