I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize