waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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