She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
