Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
