there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
