So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
