No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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