Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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