Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
