If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
