Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
