i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
