his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
