I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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