So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
