ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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