i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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