Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
