Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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