just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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