You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
