you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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