"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
