I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
