No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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