I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
