I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is the high leading the old right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
