Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
