It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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