FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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