her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
