You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
