i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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