She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
