i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
