why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
