I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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