haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize