now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
