I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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