So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We smell like vodka and hangover
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