Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
