let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
