You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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