He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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