I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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